Effective communication within the family is a key to family happiness. Asta Lee, the non-clinical social worker, certified solution-focused coach and child art therapist, talks about how communication act as an important family routine to make sure there's positive relations between parents and children.
Article by Tan Xin Hui
What are the responsibilities and roles of parents in the development of children?
Other than shelter, food and education, parents need to lead their children with correct perceptions and good habits. Avoid asking kids to only listen to their parents in fact encourage them to think about solutions themselves, instead of always helping them solve problems. As parents, stay positive especially during the pandemic now. Be a good role model without blaming and throwing temper at home unnecessarily. Parents can build up their children based on a few aspects to improve their survivability when they are alone on their own someday:
Build up Perceptions:
It is all about recognising problems, handling all the situations well and picking up the traits of discipline, time management and effective problem-solving through simple routines at home.
Build up Integrity:
Guide children to be an integrity human by doing the right thing even though no one is watching. This is to make sure children's are self integrated.
Build up Courage and Safety feeling:
To be a helpful, good and positive child that can help their friends or people who are in need. Make the kids feel that they are powerful with enough resources, make them proud of themselves and encourage them to help people who are going through rough phase. This can help to build up their self-esteem and confidence within.
Build up Trust:
Let your children trust you. Let them know that you are the one who believes on their potentials by supporting
them every time. This is so they will believe that you are always there to face things with them.
Build up Responsibilities:
Let them understand that they need to walk through their own path by themselves, parents are the one to assist them but not replace them for their duty.
Build up a Harmony atmosphere:
Let the children feel harmony when they are staying with you. Respect each other even though they are only your children.
What can parents do when children are unwilling to communicate with their parents ?
First, we need to find out whether they are unwilling or they do not know how to communicate. We can use art or game therapy and ask questions during the process. This can help us understand their deeper thinking. If children are unwilling to communicate, give them space and try to earn back their trust and build the relation. Develop a communication habit since they are young so that they feel safe and comfortable to share themselves with their parents.
Click here for some communication tips about DISC!
How can parents observe their children and explore their inner world during daily dealings?
The best time is bed talk time.
Share your childhood or daily stories with your kids. This will build the relationship through understanding each other. When you are sharing your story openly, you are also showing the children how to share their inner feeling with others. They are also learning to think from different perceptions when parents share their perceptions.
Do parents need to practice different communication methods according to children age groups?
Sure, because the level of understanding is different within the age. Talk more with children below 6 years but listen more to children above 6 years. Share your views more with kids below 6 years so they have more understanding about the world. For children above 6 years, listen to their thoughts and assist them when they make a mistake.
What should parents do when their children has made a mistake?
Parents can try to understand their children point of view and give them time to explain their reason. For example, usually, children will lie because they are afraid of punishment or they learn lying from adults. Avoid scolding them directly. You can guide them to the correct path. Share your perception with them.
How does the family environment affect children development?
According to research, a home with a harmony environment is very much needed in the process of children development or growth. It does not matter whether you are a single-parent or not, the most important thing is to create a harmonious family environment.
How to maintain the parent-child relationship when both parents are always working?
Children is also a member of the family, and the family should tolerate each other, not only the parents need to satisfy the child. Instead communicate with children to let them understand what their parents are doing. Children will learn to manage and adapt according to the situation so that they will not become self-centred.
How should parents praise their children when they have done a good performance?
The most important thing is to praise them without complimentary gifts because gift should give in surprise rather than promise. If you give them a gift then every time, their demand will get higher and higher. This motivation is only short term and not long-lasting. You can directly point out their correct behaviour that you agree to.
How to create harmony in a family environment for children?
The most important thing is to control our emotions well, especially women who are usually more emotional than men. This is because being too emotional will cause an uncomfortable family atmosphere. In a marriage, we need to maintain balance from both the husband and wife, because conflicts will occur if they do not have some sort of understanding. Therefore, one of the parent need to tolerate to ensure a harmony family environment.
Can you suggest some suitable family activities? Due to the pandemic now, parents and children spend more time at home
Some of my clients enjoyed dancing, exercise and baking with their children at home. Under the pandemic, it is also possible to do a live cooking broadcast and let the children participate together. We can also do Youtube videos with children and guide them to make a good video. I also recommend reading. Parents can start with their reading habits, and children will follow along and read.