I am a wife, mother and a student

This is a story on how a student manages her time being a wife and a mother at the same time. We do not always hear stories from people like this. Hence FamilyTies is happy to share this with you.

Qarratu's husband , Muhammad Azrul and her daugther, Nur Nia Qalesya. Photo by Qarratu

Article by Tirishini Nair

“I thought it was a dream that I am a mother now at a very young age”

Qarratu Aini a 23-year-old mother and a student decided to share her story on how she manages her life being a parent and a student. Being in the final year of her degree studies surely takes up a lot of time due to final year projects and thesis, yet Qarratu Aini has nailed her role as a mother and student.

At first, I thought it was a dream I could not stop thinking about the fact that I am a mother now at a very young age. Yet, it gave me so much happiness, the feeling of knowing that I am a mother and a wife to a very loving husband, Muhammad Azrul Ilham. I got married on 23rd June 2018 to the love of my love and I had my daughter, Nur Nia Qalesya, on 4th July 2019 it was during my semester break.

I am grateful because my husband has been very understanding and he helps me so much throughout this whole process of being a mother and a student at the same time. My pregnancy had a lot of complications, I was facing the placenta previa stage 4, so I was warded for a month before my delivery. I had to sacrifice my final examination and it was a very tough phase for me. I called the university office to explain my situation and they told me I have no choice but to extend my studies, but I did not want to extend because I want to graduate with the rest too. I broke down in tears and started blaming myself because I was clueless, and I had no other solution to this. Despite being in so much pain, I had to drive back and forth from my home to campus every day to get this solved. Somehow, I manage to speak to one of my lecturer at campus and she was very nice enough to tell me that I did not have to extend the semester and I can repeat the paper. That was a moment relief for me.

I had to repeat the papers during August and it was only a month after giving birth to my daughter. I did not have a normal delivery. I went through cesarean. I had no choice but to still take my examination. My cesarean cut was still in the process of healing. I had to park my car and walk quite a distance to the examination hall with so much pain. I walked very slowly and along the way I could not held my tears, but I was determined to finish this. After all this, it gave me a thought that this is the sacrifice for my life, and it is something I will never forget in the process of being a mother. Someday I will definitely story this to my daughter.

"I allocate my time wisely every day to spend enough time for my family and focus on my studies"

My daughter is 1 year old now, this is the phase where she needs a lot of attention from her parents. I allocate my time wisely every day to spend enough time for my family and focus on my studies. I usually wake up very early to cook for my husband before he leaves to work. I love cooking and it gives me a joy to do something for my husband every morning and then I will join my classes. One good thing about these online classes is that it helps me spend more time with my child. I will not have to worry what is she doing or how is she doing without me. During class I will have my daughter next to me with her book and stationery, so she reads together with me. I only take time for my assignment at night. I make sure I put my daughter to sleep first and then I focus on my assignment. I must admit I have the most understanding friends and group mates. They totally understand my situation because they often arrange meeting at night when my daughter is asleep. But even if my daughter is not asleep yet, then she would join my meeting or group discussions too and make the discussion more vibrant because she doesn’t disturb, she just likes to follow what I’m doing.

Qarratu' s one year old daughter. Photo by Qarratu

"looking at my daughter take every single step in her life makes me feel so happy that I have no regrets anymore and this is what I want."

Apart from all this joy, my decision to get married at the age of 21 received a lot of negative feedback from people. People were saying I am a pervert because I have the urge to get married at a young age and the talk of the town became worst when I was pregnant. I live in a village, so my neighbors here have a very traditional mindset, and they had a lot of things to say to me. I took it all positively and I just assumed they are probably jealous because their children at the age of 30’s are still not married yet. Excuse my sarcasm but I have to convince myself too. My marriage has not stopped me from performing well in studies. I have a bunch of good people as much as a lot of people did not like my decision. My pointer was always above 2.00 and it never got lesser than that and I am grateful for it.

At some point in my life, I really felt like giving up. I was so frustrated to see that my friends at my age gets the freedom to go out here and there, but I always must look after my family. My friends are enjoying their degree life, but I am always spending time with my husband and daughter. But then looking at my daughter take every single step in her life makes me feel so happy that I have no regrets anymore and this is what I want.

Getting married at a young age is no harm unless you know how it takes to handle your life between a parent and a student. If you often give up for small things, then do not take this challenge because then you have a family to look after. My marriage has given me so much happiness that I do not know how to put in words. Despite so many challenges of being a mother and a parent. I appreciate every single moment with them and this will be the most challenging phase in life yet a very memorable one indeed.